i don't think we are fundamentally disagreeing, but i do see a few things differently.
As a parent the physical/mental efforts and money I'm spending raising a kid aren't reciprocal to anything I'm doing for myself.
why? i mean, i agree they aren't equal, but i do for my kids what they need, and for myself what i need. so i consider it fair, neither to much, nor to little.
I'd never expect for the whole thing to be balanced
my definition of balanced is that everyone gets what they need. so yeah, it's absolutely balanced for me. or at least i try to make it balanced.
it would be crazy to expect as much from my kid as we're pouring into it
strongly disagree on that point, however, what i expect from my kids is what they do in the future. my dad stopped pouring anything into me when i moved out of the house. simply because i moved far away and we had little contact. which was fine. i now spend a lifetime giving to others what i learned from my dad. i expect my kids to do the same. for me it's the whole point of raising them. for them to go out and pay things forward.
We'd have to get back to sending kids to work 8h a day if we stick to the simplistic "treat others like you treat yourself" view of the world.
this doesn't make any sense to me at all.
but then, i am a freelancer, and i work on what i want, when i want. i don't work 8hrs a day either. so maybe i am an exception here, and i treat myself better than the average person? but even with a full-time job i don't think i would feel different.
also, we are sending kids to school. that's their "job" and it's just just as hard. including homework some kids work more than their parents.
mental bookkeeping
i don't do bookkeeping. all i am doing is making sure that i am well, and my family is well too.
sleeping a total of 4h in 3 days to keep an ill small human alive is self abuse
disagree calling that abuse. it's a sacrifice. but when that happens i'd take time off work, including a few days afterwards to recover. self-abuse implies that i should not do it. instead i make sure i get enough sleep on normal days. i am 50, and i am still able to pull the occasional all-nighter. not regularly, but i can if i have to.
As a parent the physical/mental efforts and money I'm spending raising a kid aren't reciprocal to anything I'm doing for myself.
why? i mean, i agree they aren't equal, but i do for my kids what they need, and for myself what i need. so i consider it fair, neither to much, nor to little.
I'd never expect for the whole thing to be balanced
my definition of balanced is that everyone gets what they need. so yeah, it's absolutely balanced for me. or at least i try to make it balanced.
it would be crazy to expect as much from my kid as we're pouring into it
strongly disagree on that point, however, what i expect from my kids is what they do in the future. my dad stopped pouring anything into me when i moved out of the house. simply because i moved far away and we had little contact. which was fine. i now spend a lifetime giving to others what i learned from my dad. i expect my kids to do the same. for me it's the whole point of raising them. for them to go out and pay things forward.
We'd have to get back to sending kids to work 8h a day if we stick to the simplistic "treat others like you treat yourself" view of the world.
this doesn't make any sense to me at all.
but then, i am a freelancer, and i work on what i want, when i want. i don't work 8hrs a day either. so maybe i am an exception here, and i treat myself better than the average person? but even with a full-time job i don't think i would feel different.
also, we are sending kids to school. that's their "job" and it's just just as hard. including homework some kids work more than their parents.
mental bookkeeping
i don't do bookkeeping. all i am doing is making sure that i am well, and my family is well too.
sleeping a total of 4h in 3 days to keep an ill small human alive is self abuse
disagree calling that abuse. it's a sacrifice. but when that happens i'd take time off work, including a few days afterwards to recover. self-abuse implies that i should not do it. instead i make sure i get enough sleep on normal days. i am 50, and i am still able to pull the occasional all-nighter. not regularly, but i can if i have to.