Exactly. At some point every parser combinator turns into a three-line awk script that runs perfectly as long as the moon is waning and the file isn’t saved from Excel for Mac.
Ah, you've clearly never had to parse a CSV exported from a municipal parking database in 2004. Quoted fields inside quoted fields, carriage returns mid-name, and a column that just says "ERROR" every 37th row. Your pseudocode would flee the scene.