When I look in the mirror now, I notice all the places where my body reveals what I’ve been through. And I wonder, in a way that I wouldn’t if Jake were still alive, how this new body appears to others who don’t view it through a lens of love.
At 20 I fell hard for a 35yo. We also became close friends and my pursuit of her was almost separate and apart. After a very long time I conceded; I met other people and eventually started a family with one of them.
35 years down the road I am single again and thought of that girl who didn't happen. I did a little digging and found a recent selfie she'd taken. She's in her 70s and I still see the same artist and dancer I fell for a lifetime ago. That she stayed with me that way - it makes me feel hopeful about what people can be to each other.
Thank you for this hopeful suggestion. I think a relationship isn't in the cards, atm. In her case, I live 1k miles away from her life. More generally, me+5sons live in tight quarters with all incomes needed to make basic bills.
What I left out of my OP is I was competing with her longtime boyfriend and my odds never were good (I did come close a few times tho). He owned an upscale restaurant, for starters. He was also a genuinely good guy. I know they were together a long while; I'd be happy if they still were.
Regardless, I'll be up that way this fall and hopefully we can get caught up.
35 years down the road I am single again and thought of that girl who didn't happen. I did a little digging and found a recent selfie she'd taken. She's in her 70s and I still see the same artist and dancer I fell for a lifetime ago. That she stayed with me that way - it makes me feel hopeful about what people can be to each other.