If you don't mind sharing, where did you find a therapist, and what is their background? It seems like there is such a wide range of options, and I'm a bit hesitant about the online platforms.

Also not OP, but if you open up with any mental health positive people in your life, that's a great place to start. They may even have a recommendation which will really ease a lot of your worries going in as it largely is a personality based thing in my experience.

Also - give a call to some therapists. You can choose some arbitrary screening criteria that make you comfortable - like if you only want to talk to men because you're a man and worry about that, or if you want to find an lgbtq-oriented therapist, those types of things can be filtered. There are even faith-adjacent therapists - but I personally would be uncomfortable with that - but they exist!

Once you have a list after filtering down of 3-5 therapists, call each for a consult. During the consult, if you don't like the therapist, cross them out. After calling 3-5 you can choose the one that your gut tells you. If you can't commit even then, then flip a coin on them to be honest. If your gut tells you to go with two different ones, choose one at random and try it out.

Finally one other thing that I found surprising was even if someone marks cognitive behavioral therapy on their listing (A lot of them do!) - they may not use it in a 'tool-based' fashion. Meaning, you won't get a lot of homework.

If you are someone who needs take home work to be able to function, this could be a question you ask during your calls.

Here is an example of how it could go:

You have the criteria: 1. Must be LGBTQ positive 2. Must accept my insurance 3. Must be skills-based oriented around processing emotions

With these three, if I cannot find the information on their page, I can ask them during the consultation call something like:

1. If you don't accept insurance, can you do a super-bill so I can file a claim with my insurance? 2. Do you do skills-based learning as part of your practice They may say "no, but I do X, Y, Z" in response

Anyway, I'm not editing this down but hopefully that helps a little.

Not OP but I had the same problem as you, too many options. My advice is to just pick one and try it, you'll have a much better understanding of what you need/want after you've talked to one. If they don't give you a good feeling, you pick another one

I did what rednalexa suggested: asked for help and recommendations from folks in my life who have used mental health professionals and swear by them.

When I met professionals for an initial consultation, I paid close attention to my comfort with each and how I felt about sharing the deepest details of what has been one of the hardest periods of my life.

Through those recommendations, I found someone with whom I felt comfortable and chose to move forward.

Like many things in life, I recommend just taking a first step; in this case, an initial consultation. Follow your gut, if you can. Don't feel good about it? Don't move forward.

I struggled to find a good therapist and had sort of given up for a while, but years later I was able to find a really good one (which happened to be a neuropsychologist) through a referral from my psychiatrist. You might have some luck attempting something similar if you can.

Sorry to hear about you and your daughter, and I hope you're both doing better. Was she a heavy social media/cell phone user? It's been shown to cause mental issues in teens, especially girls.

I'm glad to hear you that you're amidst that process

As someone looking to replicate your success, I'd love to know some of your learnings

> I think our best years are ahead of us.

With your newfound awareness, they almost certainly are.

Signed as one who is about 15 years down the path you have realized...

That sounds incredible, thanks for sharing! Do you have any advice on connecting to yourself and living that connection?

I believe it differs dramatically for each person. What works for me may not work for anyone else. Here's what is working well for me:

* Taking long walks on trails, without my phone or podcasts.

* Tending my little garden.

* Meditating. Not some prescribed formula, but something I sort of "fell into." However, some common meditative tools have proved very useful: body scans and breath work.

* Being deeply curious about myself. Why did/do I want X? Do the reasons feel right? Why did Y make me angry/sad/happy?

* Practicing acceptance and letting go of things that don't serve me.

The tricky part is that I don't believe any of this would work for someone else if they just tried to go through the motions of it.

I do believe, though, that being deeply curious about yourself is the way to start in figuring out what you need to connect.

Question your motives. Question your emotional responses. Dig until you understand. Dig harder when half your brain is screaming at you in pain to _stop_ digging.

I'm mid 30s and recently quit my job due to burnout and a sort-of-MLC I guess. A lifetime of insecurity, bad habits, and self-deception caught up with me in a big way. But I'm grateful for it, because part of what you said:

> The tricky part is that I don't believe any of this would work for someone else if they just tried to go through the motions of it.

...I find to be very true. I rarely see people capable of making change in their life without hitting some sort of breaking point or critical mass of dysfunction. Stuff blowing up in my life (to my credit, it was at my choice, rather than being forced) is the only reason I've been able to do much of what you're describing.

It really all starts with awareness, as you describe. Having the mental and emotional bandwidth to sit with your feelings instead of trying to distract yourself from them. Unlearning a lifetime of bad habits that were built to distract and soothe - constantly checking phone, wasting time browsing online, subjecting yourself to material online that only harms or frustrates you, dealing with codependency by jumping between relationships, the list goes on.

Awareness leads to an ability to analyze, which leads to an ability to change. It's unfortunate the growth I've had in the past several months is the same growth I saw some kids in high school already go through, but they had the benefit of either better mental health or (more likely) the right home environment that fostered that growth from a very young age. I had a home environment that punished this style of growth.

I hope your daughter is doing better. I was also hospitalized around the same age for the same reason (a few years older). I didn't realize it at the time, but the hospitalization was very traumatic (and massively fucked up looking back on it as an adult, some of those adults working there should be in prison), and that trauma shaped my life pretty strongly for decades.

That's very inspiring. I admire your clarity and determination. I wish you all the best on your journey!