I am stressed out by the fact that it seems like my level of effort is not remotely coupled to my level of praise and reward at work. I could do almost nothing for weeks and still be told im doing well and get the same bonus.
I thrive in high pressure, stressful environments and everything at this job is so lackadaisical. At the same time Im realizing I hate being chained to a computer all day.
In top of this ive been experiencing spiritual/existential terror as a result of reading about gnostic doctrines which turned my former religious inclinations on their head. I am terrified that the gnostics may have been correct (if only metaphorically)
Additionally all my time management and prioritization faculties are failing. I am having a hard time remembering to brush my teeth each day, much less keep up with laundry, yardwork, dishes, mopping floors.
Stressed to the point that I am on the verge of puking some days. Having existential crisis on a daily basis. Feel like I have no hope for the future. Im lonely as fuck, bored, and I dont even remotely know how to make things better. I think about my own death frequently and it seems so nice. Id never off myself, before I get links for a suicide hotline, but I di have recurring invasice "I wish I could die" thoughts.
Stress management techniques at this point consist of getting high. And no, its not actually helpful, just escapism.
No one on the internet can provide proper suggestions. Do you have time and resources for speaking to a trained professional? I suggest speaking to a therapist or another trained professional.
My own view is that no one can help with existential dread unless they're an ascetic or philosopher. Maybe do some reading? But before you do, therapy and forgoing getting high may help.
I want to tell you thank you. I don't know what about your comment struck me so potently, but I was quite moved.
I wont explain entirely, but you have changed my life in a very concrete and substantial way.
I thrive in high pressure, stressful environments and everything at this job is so lackadaisical. At the same time Im realizing I hate being chained to a computer all day.
In top of this ive been experiencing spiritual/existential terror as a result of reading about gnostic doctrines which turned my former religious inclinations on their head. I am terrified that the gnostics may have been correct (if only metaphorically)
Additionally all my time management and prioritization faculties are failing. I am having a hard time remembering to brush my teeth each day, much less keep up with laundry, yardwork, dishes, mopping floors.
Stressed to the point that I am on the verge of puking some days. Having existential crisis on a daily basis. Feel like I have no hope for the future. Im lonely as fuck, bored, and I dont even remotely know how to make things better. I think about my own death frequently and it seems so nice. Id never off myself, before I get links for a suicide hotline, but I di have recurring invasice "I wish I could die" thoughts.
Stress management techniques at this point consist of getting high. And no, its not actually helpful, just escapism.
Id welcome any suggestions. Thanks for reading.