I can only imagine the weight on your shoulders right now, and I'm so sorry you're going through this.
You might have felt like giving up on your career goals/social life/life in general at some point. People tell you it gets better, and when you've hit rock bottom it's impossible to believe it, but it does get better when you start taking better care of yourself. As with most skills in life, it is not immediate, however, and requires hard work and commitment. The good news is that it feels great once you decide to commit to yourself, which is the person you forgot about at some point, which allowed you to hit rock bottom.
What worked for me: understand and accept that it is *ok for you to be selfish and focus on yourself*, whatever that means to you. To me, it meant going to the gym every morning and having somebody else take care of the many responsibilities I took upon myself during lockdown, and which allowed me to slip up in my PhD during the last couple of years. It also meant accepting that I won't finish my PhD on my original timeline, and that's ok. The job market is not that great right now anyway, so it is ok if you need take more time. Be gentle with yourself :) The career path that is supposed to be for you will find you, but you need to give it a proper chance by spending some time working on yourself and getting to know your strengths a little better. You might have forgotten them: you wouldn't be a PhD student at a prestigious research group right now if you didn't have them.
Some specific tips that worked for me when I hit rock bottom (though mine was different, we share the PhD aspect of it):
- gym every day, once a day (morning for me, but some friends prefer evenings)
- show up to your lab every day (the energy in your lab is better than at home right now, and if it's not, make your lab better; avoid being by yourself at home)
- decluttering (home, lab, research, commitments, etc: delegate as much as possible, so that you can focus on you what is truly important to you)
- meditation + prayer (specifically, asking for guidance and help to take better care of yourself, and to find the path that is meant for you)
- helping others: there are other folks that are struggling too, they're just not telling you about it. if you noticed someone could use some quick 5min help (listening, coffee, decluttering), help out.
- once you're a little stronger: make an effort to connect more with others everywhere you go (commute, coffee shop, library, gym, lab, uni outside your lab, etc); people usually respond well to communication that is honest, non-judgmental, and that comes from a good place. listen more than you speak. you'll make a lot more friends locally in no time.
Thanks a lot for the advice! I've been going to the gym for years on and off now. But I told myself that from now on I am going every single day for the foreseeable future.
You might have felt like giving up on your career goals/social life/life in general at some point. People tell you it gets better, and when you've hit rock bottom it's impossible to believe it, but it does get better when you start taking better care of yourself. As with most skills in life, it is not immediate, however, and requires hard work and commitment. The good news is that it feels great once you decide to commit to yourself, which is the person you forgot about at some point, which allowed you to hit rock bottom.
What worked for me: understand and accept that it is *ok for you to be selfish and focus on yourself*, whatever that means to you. To me, it meant going to the gym every morning and having somebody else take care of the many responsibilities I took upon myself during lockdown, and which allowed me to slip up in my PhD during the last couple of years. It also meant accepting that I won't finish my PhD on my original timeline, and that's ok. The job market is not that great right now anyway, so it is ok if you need take more time. Be gentle with yourself :) The career path that is supposed to be for you will find you, but you need to give it a proper chance by spending some time working on yourself and getting to know your strengths a little better. You might have forgotten them: you wouldn't be a PhD student at a prestigious research group right now if you didn't have them.
Some specific tips that worked for me when I hit rock bottom (though mine was different, we share the PhD aspect of it):
- gym every day, once a day (morning for me, but some friends prefer evenings)
- show up to your lab every day (the energy in your lab is better than at home right now, and if it's not, make your lab better; avoid being by yourself at home)
- decluttering (home, lab, research, commitments, etc: delegate as much as possible, so that you can focus on you what is truly important to you)
- meditation + prayer (specifically, asking for guidance and help to take better care of yourself, and to find the path that is meant for you)
- helping others: there are other folks that are struggling too, they're just not telling you about it. if you noticed someone could use some quick 5min help (listening, coffee, decluttering), help out.
- once you're a little stronger: make an effort to connect more with others everywhere you go (commute, coffee shop, library, gym, lab, uni outside your lab, etc); people usually respond well to communication that is honest, non-judgmental, and that comes from a good place. listen more than you speak. you'll make a lot more friends locally in no time.
Wishing you all the best in your recovery.